


To Be or Not to Be

by kalaglnshe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Mark of Cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 04:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10325711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalaglnshe/pseuds/kalaglnshe
Summary: AU Season 9. What might have happened if the boys had stayed separated.





	

To Be or Not to Be

 

Author’s note: This is AU Season 9. It looks at what could have happened if the boys had stayed split apart and focuses on Sam’s self-worth issues. Darkness and angst abound. This also ignores Dean's last interaction with Cain. 

 

Sam collected his weeks of research on the Mark of Cain and climbed into the Impala. Dean had left the bunker almost two months ago, taking only clothes, his favorite gun and some money. He had left anything that reminded him of Sam behind, including Baby. Castiel had visited to say that Dean had killed Abaddon and that Dean was working elsewhere with Crowley. He handed Sam the First Blade.  Sam was to text Dean when he found something and Dean would send coordinates for a meeting point.

         Sam drove silently to the farmhouse where Dean had been staying. It was miles away from anything. He found Dean in the yard, shooting at cans hanging from a tree. He pulled the Impala up range and killed the engine. He left the keys in the ignition and got out. He handed Dean the First Blade. Then walked a few paces away from the car. He knelt in the grass with his hands at his sides. Dean moved to stand in front of him. “Okay. I guess this is as good a place as any. Everything the bunker has on the Mark is in the front seat. Before I left, I packed up all my stuff and made a list of passwords and databases. You can donate my clothes, if anyone would want them. My laptop, I guess it is your laptop now, is on the table in the Library.” Sam tried to stop the tears, but they formed anyway. “I know that now I have outlived my usefulness. You were right, I should have looked for you. I knew you weren’t in Hell, because the demons I tortured told me. I should have found some angels to confirm that you were not in Heaven, then found you. I was afraid that you were in Heaven and I didn’t want to Buffy you, man.” Sam smiled a sad grimace. “I’m sorry. But, that’s all done now. You have a chance at a life, to be happy. To be free of a needy, pain-in-the-ass little brother. You can go back home and not have me there. I put the amulet in the archive. Ruby’s knife is in the armory. It will be better this way.” He closed his eyes and tilted his head up, exposing his throat for easy cutting. “Just please, salt and burn me after you kill me. I don’t want to be sent back.”

         Dean stared at Sam. The Mark and the blade beckoned him to slit the throat being offered. To revel in the bright blood that would fly. He would be free then. Free to do as he wished. He brought the blade up and sliced across, just under Sam’s chin. Sam gasped slightly in pain, but the gash was not enough to bring more than a few beads of blood. They shone on the First Blade and all of a sudden Dean couldn’t hear it any more. He threw the blade into the ground and grabbed Sam by the back of the neck and chin. Sam misunderstood the action.

         “Okay. Clean break for a clean break.” He leaned into Dean’s hands, eyes closed, waiting to have his neck snapped.

         Dean’s voice was husky with emotion. “Is this what you want? You came here to die? You did countless hours of research, then drove 10 hours to give it to me, all knowing I would kill you?”

         Sam’s voice was sad. “It is what I deserve. Dad knew it. I have done things that would make most people cringe. I have failed so many in every way possible. I deserve to die.”

         Dean knew he could do it. He could snap his little brother’s neck easily and toss his body on a burn pile. He could watch the burning corpse of his failure as an older brother turn to ashes. He also knew he would follow immediately. However, he had to know Sam’s thinking on this. A partner with a death wish was a liability. “I ain’t asking what you think you deserve. I am asking do you want to die? I can tell you exactly how this plays out. I kill you, put you on the pyre.”

         Sam was silent for a moment. “No. I don’t want to die.” he said finally. “But, I don’t want to live with you hating me. I can’t live in a world where we are apart and you despise me. If you kill me, the Mark loses power over you and you can live with having killed Abaddon without losing yourself entirely. So do it already.”

         Sam felt the pressure on his neck change as Dean knelt in front of him. “I don’t hate you. I never could. I also can’t kill you. I didn’t know you thought I was in Heaven. I am so sorry I put you through this. You’re right, we can’t live like we have been. It is too hard. You did all this research for me, then came here knowing you would never go home again.” Dean’s eyes shined through unshed tears. “I love you, Sammy.” They stayed kneeling for a long time.

Finally Sam spoke, relief and a bit of hope in his voice. “So, are we good?”

Dean squeezed the back of Sam’s neck gently. “Yeah.” He stood up and offered Sam a hand. “We’re better than good, we’re brothers. Let’s go home.”

Dean drove back to the bunker and parked the Impala. He turned to Sam. “Where did you archive my necklace?”

Sam smiled “It would be faster to get it than to explain it to you. Wait here.” Sam dashed out of the car and shortly came back with the amulet.

Dean put it on, setting its familiar, tooth chipping weight against his chest. He then got out of the car and grabbed the pile of notes. They walked into the Library together. Sam shot a look at Dean. “You know, eventually, I am going to die. You have that thing on your arm preventing you, but I don’t.”

Before Dean could say anything, a deep voice said “I think I can help you with that.”

        


End file.
